Up And Down In AKLEINCNEY's World

im not sure.. why i always write here when im feeling down.. i guess what researcher said wa correct.. you will fell better when you write how you feel anywhere.. it help to release all the pain in the heart... but i dont know why should i write everyday.. as it seem that im not happy every day... when i feel happy, i never write it out.. but when im sad or so depress... i always turn to this blog and throw everything here.. i wish no one know about it.. just myself.. i cant find him again.. and this is not the first time.. it keep on happenning.. and i hv the feeling of just give up.. i think it should be much better because i no need to think about anything.. and doesnt need to bother about any one... and there nothing that will make you sad or headache or like there something that so heavy on top of you.. untill you dont have the energy to do anything... even i try to work so much.. make myself busy.. but it still haunt me.. i really hope i can lost my memory.. or being knock by something.. so i wont wake up so i dont have to worry about my life.. but the book that i read mention that there are lots of wonderful stuff in this world that need to be tresure.. and if there no sadness, there alno will be no happiness.. there must be an opposit of something.. but tell you the truth.. its really really hard for me.. i really want to scream.. or just leave this stupid life.. meet some one that make me happy.. some one that care lots about me.. meet some one that see i am the most important in life.. i dont know why do i need to cry alot.. no one even know how i feel.. not even him.. then whats the point of getting together when you dont share everything.. it seem like i turn become a total stranger.. and he suddenly disapear from my life.. there are lots of stuff that missing.. i really miss the old me.. when i laugh everyday.. joke around.. tell stories.. and make fun of other stuff...which is so happy and wonderful.. but i dont know why it trun out to be like this.. when the time we be together get longer.. it seem like he go farther.. and soo far that i cant even know where to find him... every time when i can find him.. well he just say he really tired.. and some times not feeling well.. and i dont want to burden him with how i feel.. how i change everyday.. i see ppl get together.. always care for each other.. respect for each other.. and even keep on communicate with each other always... so im not sure whether i can live my life like this... i don know whether i can continue to be like this.. pretend like i dont care at all. and pretend like there are nothing that happend... i really wish i have the gut to say.. "stop.. i dont want to continue .." and say if you not looking for me.. i wont disturb you at all.. and wait and see how he going to do after that..but the problem is that i love him too much.. that i dont even dare to say no when he say some thing.. i wrote him email and say im sorry to make his life miserable and wont disturb him .. but i dont know whther i can do as what i write there.. i really cant .. i cry silently.. so no one know.. even when i talk to him.. he say im crying but i deny it.. i just say i got flue or some thing.. so i wont make him feel worry.. i kept on thingking whether i can live without him or not.. but its very hard to try.. and even very hard to think about it.. i dont know when will this thing going to end.. i really wish it end soon.. i wish there no problem in my relationship.. and i wish he is the right one for me.. and i also wish i can be strong ..

posted by akleincney @ 2:46 PM